He disabled his match.com account in front of me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
