so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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