The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
