i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
