I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every concussion has its silver lining
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
