a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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