im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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