I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
