I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
