found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
