i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
