So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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