Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
