I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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