i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
