My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
