There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
