whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
