I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
