I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
