Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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