dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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