I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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