quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
