I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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