i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
