Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
