Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
