She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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