If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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