You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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