What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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