She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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