Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
