I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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