she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
