I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
