Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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