omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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