I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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