I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
