I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
