the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
