So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
