I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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