Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
