Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I die, sorry about rent.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
