haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
