If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize