Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
