I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
