What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Too much gin, very little bucket
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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