I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
