Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
