maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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