Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
