if you like me you must not know who I am
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
