My sheets look like a crime scene.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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