i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
