no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
