Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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