I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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