Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
God, I missed his penis.
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