Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
