saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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