i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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