meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize