Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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