Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
