Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
