Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're like the curious george of whores
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
