I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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