i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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