Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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