Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
