Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just gargled with NyQuil
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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