I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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