So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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