I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They took my balls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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