I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
