I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
