Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
