Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
