She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
