For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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