why didn't you poke me back
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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