My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
