dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i now understand why vodka
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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