dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How's work?
Spinning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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