4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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