And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize