4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
