remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
