WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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