winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
