Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize