I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize