I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
