this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
