His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
