hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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