Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
