Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
