she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
