I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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