ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
