so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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