The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
