one two three fourrrrnication!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
