I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
