Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
