I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sex in a hospital.. check
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
