his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize