what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
