Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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