**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
