you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
