Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
