Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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