My nipple is on Facebook.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
