Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
