We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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