My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
